Hey.

I havent written in over six months now, I suppose I should support the non-existant followers.

A lot has transpassed sinse then, a lot of good things and I am very happy where I am at right now. First off I am married to the most awesome girl ever. We are also haveing a baby. Things are a little stressful right now trying to stay on top of things, trying to make enough money to support.

Anyway's, I'm not quite feeling the creative spark I thought I was.

Home

I've realized something. Home is not where I thought it was, home is no longer where I live. Or rather where I sleep at night, home is where you are. When I'm without you I am truely home sick, I spend all of my waking life with you and some of my sleeping and yet I have never gotten sick of you.

I miss you.

Resolution

Well, I have resolved the question that has been left unanswered for over a year. I don't really know what to say... It was good to talk to her again get to understand each other and what we were feeling. Things are definitely looking up. I don't know if I said this before, but I believe that when you are at the bottom of a hole you can only look up. I am at the bottom, and I am looking up.

Thank you Lord for that small comfort.

Now for the matter of me being a fence sitter, people say that I am far too passive for my own good, I really disagree. I don't know what to say, its hard to know.

Thanks for reading to all those who read.

single

Yes, I am single again. It's sad but it needed to happen. We both need some time to grow up.

I don't know what I'm going to do anymore, I have somewhat of a plan. I hope I follow through.

I am still in love. And I don't think I will ever get that back, I really feel like that boat sunk a long time ago. I need some time to figure things out. I hope there still is hope.

Fool

Yes, I Jeremy am a fool.

The end.

Inexpressable

I have never felt so... inexpressable. I feel lower than low.

I have a girlfriend. I love her. But she is not the girl that I have been writing about. It is a different girl. I am still unsure to this day of how it happened, I can start by saying I probably should have never touched her to start with because that is what started my infatuation for her. I do not regret what I have done but I feel a great amount of guilt, not because of my girlfriend but the action of getting one.

I broke another girls heart. A girl who's friendship that meant more to me than anything else in the world, a girl which I loved deeper than anything else in the world, a girl who kept me righeous and smart, a girl who made me feel closer to God just by being around her. I threw all that away.

Not the smartest move I have ever made I would say. I have made a choice though and I will follow through with it. No need to break two hearts if I can help it. Though I'm afraid that might be inevitable, I hope its not. I am in no mood to think pesimistically, because to be honest what I have said so far is optimistic.

I have lost a best friend to get closer to a different best friend. I feel like the scum of the earth.

Two

I dunno what to say, I guess there is no debate in my mind. Though I have discovered that even when you love a person its easy to spend time with other people and be perfectly content. Its weird, though I really know what I want in the long run. I hope that God is looking out for me right now, cause I think I've been doing a lousy job of looking out for myself. Geh, I really dont know what to say.

I'm pretty sure this girl likes me, and I'm pretty sure I like her too, we've been pretty much attached at the hip the past couple days, people think we are going out. I don't blame them, I would think we were going out if I saw us. I think its about time for a good old determine the relationship. And I think what is probably going to be determined that what is happening is not a bad thing, but is probably not a good thing. Geh, I don't know.... I think I'm going to try to end things before they get to serious, and she might be expecting me to officialize things. I'm tempted, I can't say that I am not, she is very cute and a very good cuddler. Eternal Perspective, that is what I need. If she tried to kiss me, I dont know what I would do, I think I would kiss her back. I need to resist though, I think I can. Especially sinse I'm in love with another girl, oddly enough I'm not really stressed out about this, I think its going to work out, I'm just... tired.... cause its late. Yeah, that. :) I don't know. More report later.