Again

It seems as though things are finally starting to look up for me again. As far as Love, Learning, and the Busy Life I'm definately going to be doing that again. I'm starting school, which is good, I'm really excited to finally expand my knowlege at a substancial level. That will make me busy as well. As far as love goes. I don't know if I have found love, but I definately found a good canidate. She is pretty, adventurous, kind, and smart. What else could one ask for? I think I'm ready for this stage in my life to re-begin. I never left it, I just took a break from it. I started doing nothing in particular ended up breaking my arm in the process which is now healing. Good thing too, cause I'm getting sick of it being broken.

People :(

I think people are sick of me lately, they are tired of being around me and when they are they are very on edge. If you are not liking how I am, I don't want to change it, sorry, its just who I am. If you don't want to be around me, don't go out of your way to act like you like me or care about me. Okay? Okay. Cool. Now that that is over....

I just want to say thank you to all those who like me for who I am. I appreciate you back. :) Next: I really appreciate those that bear with me through my dumb moments. That is always nice (Barbara is prolly the most prime example of that :P).

Moving on, I have three jobs right now, one of which I don't have to do cause it is the holidays, thank God. but soon after I'm going to be as busy as I'll get out. I think its going to be nice to not have time to think about things and how they are mulling over. I prefer thinking on the bright side to be honest. I'm just kinda pissed right now. Bah! I wish people would just..... let me be, you know? I'm tired of being pulled in every which direction to do every sort of thing: "Every hates you cause of this!" "Everyone hates you cause of that!" Well please, just stop fucking hating me okay, I can't please every God Damned person so get over yourself.

Its kind ironic how the people I spend the most time with are the very same people who feel picked on cause they think I don't spend any time at all with them. Its also ironic the people who I do the most for are the same people who feel like I do nothing for them. I'm tired of it. And I don't want to talk about it cause they are also the same people who will turn me into the bad guy in the situation. GOD! IT FUCKING PISSES ME OFF WHEN PEOPLE TURN ME INTO THE BAD GUY! STOP FUCKING TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY FUCKING GUILTY CONSCIENCE DAMN IT!

i need to calm down, i'm tired, and i just had a dumb argument with a friend, i just need to vent for a minute. geeze, there's not really anyone to talk to anymore. I've got my nerd friends, but they are not too good at being vented to, i've got austin but i haven't seen him for a milenia. everyone else is just too sick of me to hear it. blegh. goodnight

Blegh

So.... tired these days, not to mention a little disgruntled. Love is screwed up. It works, but its weird. I'm not saying anything bad has happened. I'm just getting sick of waiting, oh well. :) other than that I am doing super great.... and tired.... and sick. lol! ok, really I have something to complain about, but really I am happy and I want to keep it that way! Yay!

I went to coffee again tonight, I didnt get coffee, neither did she, but it was still way fun. The girl that was closing was way fun. I think she was way cute and way funny. Lol! I like the girl I went to coffee with better though :). Too bad she has a boyfriend. :/ Well anywho, small update. Have a super day my lovely readers.

Move On

I have searched long and hard for a girl to fit my dreams. When I found her I thought myself to be in love only to be stopped by something I did not understand, just a road block on the way to love. I was not in love with her, I had no reason to not be aside from the fact I did not feel like I was in love.

Then I found the person that filled in the gaps, not necessarily my juvinile dream girl. Not exactly the girl I dreamed of, but the girl that I currently dream of. The girl that I never get boared around, the girl that I can never stay angry at and never stays angry at me. The girl whos name worms its way into every conversation I have, the girl that I am always wanting to be spending time with but too afraid to call, the girl that I never know what to do around but I always feel comftorble. Now it feels as though finally she is slipping through my fingers, its been hard enough to hold onto her for this long. I love her, but at long last I think I really going to start looking again. I want to wait, but I need to move on. I love her, but what is the point if I'll never have her? :/ Its a work in progress, I dont exactly know what is going on, she never really tells me, I have been willing to wait. I dont know. I'm just ....afraid. I cant get her out of my head, no other girl seems to be able to hold a candle to her, not even the girl that I thought was absolutely perfect. Its not that she is better than any of these other girls, its that I guess I feel like she is better for me. But like I said, maybe it is time I start really trying, because I'm not going anywhere with her, I feel like I keep getting closer, but the rainbow that she is its really impossible to actually reach her.

In other news, I have discoverd A.F.I. I love them. I am now going to be working around 60 hours a week. I have calculated that I will prolly have three hours of free time in the evening, and that is what my days will consist of until the weekend.

I still think you should dump him for me, if you dont I'm happy for you and hope things work out for you. I love you.