Spirit

Is it not amazing? Everything around us, how things affect us, and how things can carry with us and we wont even know until its gone, until we have it to leave? "If you are not as close to God today as you were yesterday, who moved? So be it." Love it.

Its amazing how a simple mistake can show me how far along I have come, and how close to to the spirit I actually am. I am glad God is so forgiving, I felt so empty, so slow, so weak, so foolish, so unprepared... it was unexpected but the cause was definately recognizable. After humble prayer and study I felt the same great difference, but the other way, I had it back and maybe more. Perhaps that was a lesson I was meant to learn. Never the less, I am grateful, and sorry for what happened. There were two things said to me by close friends, first was: "That wasnt that bad, I do it all the time, why are you fretting?" and "I am glad you felt bad, because it means that you have the spirit with you." I appriciate the latter, I really know that God is real and he loves me, and everyone else, I've been feeling it the past three months, but I had become so accustomed to it I had begun to take it for granted.

Also this experiance has allowed me to see a contrast in two different emotions, love and dare I say "lust" though I think the word is too powerful. A girl that I would have had a crush on two years ago because she was pretty and she made me feel good no longer has that affect on me, in fact I felt sick, fear not, I didnt even kiss her, I just had a cuddle experiance! But on the other hand, I choose not to act upon the chemestry when I am around this other girl, because I love her, I dont want to do anything that would hurt her, I have an upmost respect for her. If she were still around when I got off my mission I imagine that I would take life to the next step with her. But that time is not now, that time is later, right now I am preparing to go on a mission, and she is helping me with that.

Opera

I am definately in a quiet mood right now. I'm happy, but thoughtful. It's odd. I'm listening to Death Cab For Cutie "I Will Possess Your Heart" Its a fantastic song. But really I like Death Cab in General.

The two weeks are over and things can start rolling again. :)

I went on a date last night, it was pretty darn fun, she is nice, but I dont think I am interested in her. She's just gorgeous. We went to the opera. I feel cultured now, it was really good.

I'm excited for this week, who knows what adventures I will take.

Happy

I'm poor, I'm single, I have a lame job, all of my friends are leaveing and I'm starting a stressful year of school.

And I'm happy. Ha! How did that work out? I dont know. Sometimes I get in my 'quiet' mood though. I dont really know how to describe the emotion there, I just feel quiet and ... aware. Its strange is as I can feel everything in and around me one hundered fold. But I am happy.

Strange

Remember?

Do remember when we were just happy? So carefree, we did what we wanted to do when we wanted to do it. Remember, it was right after we made up, life was so ... blissful then, now its all just bland, not depressing or sad, just bland. I dont know about you, but I want that back. When we could just be together, we didnt have to do anything or think, just talk or goof off, or we could just sit in silence. We could kiss when we wanted, and we could not kiss when we didnt want to. No obligation, but no restriction, just freedom, just simple pleasurable life. Easy, fun, happy.

Oh how I wish.

New Blog

Well, I decided that my previous blog was a little dark for my more recent posts, all around I have been much more happy. It seems as though everything is going my way so why not do a little bit of celebrating by creating a new blog! I hope you all like my new format.

Anywho, my life is busy of course, I took work off today so I didn't get to see her. :/ oh well, hahaha! On the other hand I went to an awkward party, it was sort of fun, but also at the same time I guess I dont work well in large groups. Well, I guess that is all the news for today, I have a date tomarrow, but I am just going because one of my friends asked out another and I've been bugging them to ask eachother out for sometime, and well, she wanted me to find a date and group with them. How can I say no to that? I'll give some updatage later.

Your friend,

Jeremy