Happy

I'm poor, I'm single, I have a lame job, all of my friends are leaveing and I'm starting a stressful year of school.

And I'm happy. Ha! How did that work out? I dont know. Sometimes I get in my 'quiet' mood though. I dont really know how to describe the emotion there, I just feel quiet and ... aware. Its strange is as I can feel everything in and around me one hundered fold. But I am happy.

Strange

Again

It seems as though things are finally starting to look up for me again. As far as Love, Learning, and the Busy Life I'm definately going to be doing that again. I'm starting school, which is good, I'm really excited to finally expand my knowlege at a substancial level. That will make me busy as well. As far as love goes. I don't know if I have found love, but I definately found a good canidate. She is pretty, adventurous, kind, and smart. What else could one ask for? I think I'm ready for this stage in my life to re-begin. I never left it, I just took a break from it. I started doing nothing in particular ended up breaking my arm in the process which is now healing. Good thing too, cause I'm getting sick of it being broken.

Lame

Gah! I'm so lame! Why do I persist in doing things that make me even more upset at myself! God! I really want to bitch to someone right now. But I dont think that'll happen

What?

It strange, right now I have no love, no learning and I'm not busy. It's so strange, I was talking about love with some friends of mine (girls) and I just feel..... Gah! I dunno. Its just getting really weird I really want to fall in love, but I also want to be alone, but I dont know what I want more. Hmm.... Why is life so complicated?

Lonely

I've got a lot of friends that love me right now, but I'm just lonely and sad. I'm really missing those three. They've all moved on and yet my mind is stuck. I want a girl to love right now.

Hole

It seems as though they are all succeeding in life. Everyone I know: mission, marrage, love, school. They are all getting somewhere, everyone has something to look forward to. Except for me. I'm happy for them, it makes me very happy to see that they are all getting somewhere in life. But eventually it will only be me in the shadows of the hole that I dug myself. Over years I have just dug and dug. By the time I realized it, it was too late, all I could do is keep trying to climb out, each time falling, then digging some more. Then trying to climb out again. It seems so impossible.

Eventually I will move out. Inevitable. Soon. I'm tired of being dependent. And really, I dont want my parents to watch me suffer at my own inabilty to control myself. I am full of greed, lies, lust, envy, arrogance, and despair. I'm am the lowest of the low. I am a solitary peasant amoung kings and queens. I am a fool amoung the wise. I am worm compared to everyone I know, or even heard of.

Humbug man. It frustrates me beyond reason.

Random (I suggest you skip =P )

Okay, I guess I'm not done posting today. So really this post is quite irrelevent and I'm just going to write for a long time, so just feel free to skip it.

I just went to a missionary prep class, and I really dont feel like I was ready for it, a lot of the things said in there, belive it or not. Were way over my head, and my stupidity in life in general keeps me feeling dumb.

A lot of people are like, its your life you have full control. Idiots. A lot of other people say God will help you if you put faith. Ghaaa! I know, but for some reason I'm an idiot. I have little to no self control and apparently if you cant help yourself you are not going to get help from diety. I have other friends that are like. I'll help you Jeremy. What the crap can you do?? Nothing. Really, even if I told you the problem. It would not help any, not me or you.

Blegh, I'm glad no one reads these posts, they might raise a lot of questions. Its just nice to write sometimes. I would write in other area's but I really dont feel like actual writing, and anything I end up writing on word I never look at again. So I suppose I'm just taking a risk by writing in here.

So.......... I like pie (still)

In fact, if I was back at the begining I would have not only said that you could, I would have recomended skipping this post. Oh well. I guess I could go up and ad that in, but I'd rather not, I would much rather people read until they get to this part.

Anywho, I guess that was all I could get out, though for some reason I still want to write. Stupid curse.