Awake

So there are a thousand people in my room right now.

I want to go to sleep in 15 minutes.

I'm tired. Geh. I'm too nice to tell them to leave.

Spirit

Is it not amazing? Everything around us, how things affect us, and how things can carry with us and we wont even know until its gone, until we have it to leave? "If you are not as close to God today as you were yesterday, who moved? So be it." Love it.

Its amazing how a simple mistake can show me how far along I have come, and how close to to the spirit I actually am. I am glad God is so forgiving, I felt so empty, so slow, so weak, so foolish, so unprepared... it was unexpected but the cause was definately recognizable. After humble prayer and study I felt the same great difference, but the other way, I had it back and maybe more. Perhaps that was a lesson I was meant to learn. Never the less, I am grateful, and sorry for what happened. There were two things said to me by close friends, first was: "That wasnt that bad, I do it all the time, why are you fretting?" and "I am glad you felt bad, because it means that you have the spirit with you." I appriciate the latter, I really know that God is real and he loves me, and everyone else, I've been feeling it the past three months, but I had become so accustomed to it I had begun to take it for granted.

Also this experiance has allowed me to see a contrast in two different emotions, love and dare I say "lust" though I think the word is too powerful. A girl that I would have had a crush on two years ago because she was pretty and she made me feel good no longer has that affect on me, in fact I felt sick, fear not, I didnt even kiss her, I just had a cuddle experiance! But on the other hand, I choose not to act upon the chemestry when I am around this other girl, because I love her, I dont want to do anything that would hurt her, I have an upmost respect for her. If she were still around when I got off my mission I imagine that I would take life to the next step with her. But that time is not now, that time is later, right now I am preparing to go on a mission, and she is helping me with that.

Intoxicated

*Speechless and silent* That is how I'm feeling right now. I feel beautiful, alive, aware, and so much more. I can't say to that I can pinpoint the cause. But I think I know what it is, because its becomeing more and more a familiar feeling.

Her.

She doesnt want to kiss till marrage. She's worth the wait. She doesn't want to be a girlfriend right now. She is worth the wait. She wants to go on a mission. She is worth the wait. She is kind, intellegent, beautiful, intuitive, giving, understanding, pure, helpful, and respectful... I could go on forever. I dont know if I am in love. But I know I do love her and if there is a better girl than her out there I'd like to meet this girl.

I want.... to be perfect, everything she wants. She has told me that there isnt anything about me that she does not like, but I want to be more, and I am becoming more.

Who knows, maybe this is all a fluke. But I feel alive.

In the name of Heaven

Love, learning, and the tired life

Hm... I hate missing people, well person. Geh.

I've started school, its really busy and I'm learning a lot. By the time it hits 9:30 I'm exhasted. I wake up at 5:30 though. I dunno, its good though.

I discovered that I love someone the other day. I've suspected it for a while but I tried to hold off the flood gates, I dont know what to do now. Its upsetting, I'm not afraid to do anything, but I don't want to be in love right now, there are more important things. Not to mention... before I persue her, I want to be everything I want to be, which corresponds with what she wants me to be. I think she might like me back. I can wait though. She is worth the wait.

In the name of waiting