Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Lame
Gah! I'm so lame! Why do I persist in doing things that make me even more upset at myself! God! I really want to bitch to someone right now. But I dont think that'll happen
Friday, June 20, 2008
What?
It strange, right now I have no love, no learning and I'm not busy. It's so strange, I was talking about love with some friends of mine (girls) and I just feel..... Gah! I dunno. Its just getting really weird I really want to fall in love, but I also want to be alone, but I dont know what I want more. Hmm.... Why is life so complicated?
Friday, June 13, 2008
Lonely
I've got a lot of friends that love me right now, but I'm just lonely and sad. I'm really missing those three. They've all moved on and yet my mind is stuck. I want a girl to love right now.
Saturday, April 5, 2008
Hole
It seems as though they are all succeeding in life. Everyone I know: mission, marrage, love, school. They are all getting somewhere, everyone has something to look forward to. Except for me. I'm happy for them, it makes me very happy to see that they are all getting somewhere in life. But eventually it will only be me in the shadows of the hole that I dug myself. Over years I have just dug and dug. By the time I realized it, it was too late, all I could do is keep trying to climb out, each time falling, then digging some more. Then trying to climb out again. It seems so impossible.
Eventually I will move out. Inevitable. Soon. I'm tired of being dependent. And really, I dont want my parents to watch me suffer at my own inabilty to control myself. I am full of greed, lies, lust, envy, arrogance, and despair. I'm am the lowest of the low. I am a solitary peasant amoung kings and queens. I am a fool amoung the wise. I am worm compared to everyone I know, or even heard of.
Humbug man. It frustrates me beyond reason.
Eventually I will move out. Inevitable. Soon. I'm tired of being dependent. And really, I dont want my parents to watch me suffer at my own inabilty to control myself. I am full of greed, lies, lust, envy, arrogance, and despair. I'm am the lowest of the low. I am a solitary peasant amoung kings and queens. I am a fool amoung the wise. I am worm compared to everyone I know, or even heard of.
Humbug man. It frustrates me beyond reason.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Random (I suggest you skip =P )
Okay, I guess I'm not done posting today. So really this post is quite irrelevent and I'm just going to write for a long time, so just feel free to skip it.
I just went to a missionary prep class, and I really dont feel like I was ready for it, a lot of the things said in there, belive it or not. Were way over my head, and my stupidity in life in general keeps me feeling dumb.
A lot of people are like, its your life you have full control. Idiots. A lot of other people say God will help you if you put faith. Ghaaa! I know, but for some reason I'm an idiot. I have little to no self control and apparently if you cant help yourself you are not going to get help from diety. I have other friends that are like. I'll help you Jeremy. What the crap can you do?? Nothing. Really, even if I told you the problem. It would not help any, not me or you.
Blegh, I'm glad no one reads these posts, they might raise a lot of questions. Its just nice to write sometimes. I would write in other area's but I really dont feel like actual writing, and anything I end up writing on word I never look at again. So I suppose I'm just taking a risk by writing in here.
So.......... I like pie (still)
In fact, if I was back at the begining I would have not only said that you could, I would have recomended skipping this post. Oh well. I guess I could go up and ad that in, but I'd rather not, I would much rather people read until they get to this part.
Anywho, I guess that was all I could get out, though for some reason I still want to write. Stupid curse.
I just went to a missionary prep class, and I really dont feel like I was ready for it, a lot of the things said in there, belive it or not. Were way over my head, and my stupidity in life in general keeps me feeling dumb.
A lot of people are like, its your life you have full control. Idiots. A lot of other people say God will help you if you put faith. Ghaaa! I know, but for some reason I'm an idiot. I have little to no self control and apparently if you cant help yourself you are not going to get help from diety. I have other friends that are like. I'll help you Jeremy. What the crap can you do?? Nothing. Really, even if I told you the problem. It would not help any, not me or you.
Blegh, I'm glad no one reads these posts, they might raise a lot of questions. Its just nice to write sometimes. I would write in other area's but I really dont feel like actual writing, and anything I end up writing on word I never look at again. So I suppose I'm just taking a risk by writing in here.
So.......... I like pie (still)
In fact, if I was back at the begining I would have not only said that you could, I would have recomended skipping this post. Oh well. I guess I could go up and ad that in, but I'd rather not, I would much rather people read until they get to this part.
Anywho, I guess that was all I could get out, though for some reason I still want to write. Stupid curse.
Hermit
I belive now. I think I really do, there has been a lot of work in trying to figure it out for myself. now I know that I do belive, and no matter what it takes I am going to do my best to live what I belive.
And that brings me to my next point. I dont think that I am ever going to work things out for myself. I've been stuck in the same stage for a long time in my life, if I never break free, that means I will never progress in my life, never get married, never go on a mission.
*sigh*
I can do it. And I will.
And that brings me to my next point. I dont think that I am ever going to work things out for myself. I've been stuck in the same stage for a long time in my life, if I never break free, that means I will never progress in my life, never get married, never go on a mission.
*sigh*
I can do it. And I will.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Tired
I'm really tired, and I'm really dumb. I dont really think I want to interprit what that means either. Shoot, I really should be sleeping right now, but I'm too busy not sleeping.
I miss love. I would take any of them back in a heartbeat. I know I would, little good it would do me though, it would end up in flames, just as it did before. There has got to be someone out there for me, somewhere..... maybe.
I'm trying to turn my life back around again. I'm doing a terrible job at it. I can get to a certain point easily, but then it all just haults at a standstill. I'm feeling kind of retarded, maybe I am. I wouldnt be surprised if I found out.
All my friends are going on missions, I'm really happy for them, but at the same time I am sad, sad that they are not going to be around, and sad that I can't make myself be better. I have less control over myself than anyone else. That is sad.
Goodnight
I miss love. I would take any of them back in a heartbeat. I know I would, little good it would do me though, it would end up in flames, just as it did before. There has got to be someone out there for me, somewhere..... maybe.
I'm trying to turn my life back around again. I'm doing a terrible job at it. I can get to a certain point easily, but then it all just haults at a standstill. I'm feeling kind of retarded, maybe I am. I wouldnt be surprised if I found out.
All my friends are going on missions, I'm really happy for them, but at the same time I am sad, sad that they are not going to be around, and sad that I can't make myself be better. I have less control over myself than anyone else. That is sad.
Goodnight
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